The Honest Truth

I read Oswald Chambers' writings in My Utmost to His Highest every day. More often than not, his words hit exactly where I'm in need that day.

This is the entry for November 5:

"If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a multitude of experiences that are not meant for you at all, they are meant to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what transpires in other souls so that you will never be surprised at what you come across. Oh, I can't deal with that person. Why not? God gave you ample opportunity to soak before Him on that line, and you barged off because it seemed stupid to spend time in that way.

The sufferings of Christ are not those of ordinary men. He suffered "according to the will of God," not from the point of view we suffer from as individuals. It is only when we are related to Jesus Christ that we can understand what God is after in His dealings with us. It is part of Christian culture to know what God's aim is. In the history of the Christian Church the tendency has been to evade being identified with the sufferings of Jesus Christ; men have sought to procure the carrying out of God's order by a short cut of their own. God's way is always the way of suffering, the way of the "long, long trail."

Are we partakers of Christ's sufferings? Are we prepared for God to stamp our personal ambitions right out? Are we prepared for God to destroy by transfiguration our individual determinations? It will not mean that we know exactly why God is taking us that way, that would make us spiritual prigs. We never realize at the time what God is putting us through; we go through it more or less misunderstandingly; then we come to a luminous place, and say - 'Why, God has girded me, though I did not know it!' "

And that, my friends, is what I needed to hear today. Up until last week, I thought I was here for a specific reason. That picture is now changed, and I've found myself on my knees scrambling for some direction...any direction. I know time and my Jesus will fix this hurt and confusion, but I struggle not knowing when, how or what that will look like. I was reminded and challenged by this passage to step back, relinquish my "control" and let God do his thing.

I encourage my friends and family to keep me accountable as I strive to remember this every day in every decision--big or small. This raw hurt will numb, this confusion will clear and at some point, I'll look back and understand why I'm standing where I'm standing and why my soul feels the way it does. Bear with me as I struggle my way through, please be honest with me on how I'm really doing and please keep encouraging me to move forward on this path.

I love you all,